MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Well it's about time I pushed down my last incredibly depressing post, hey? Things have been super weird lately, I'm not gonna lie. But I think I'm making some headway in the 'turning over a new leaf' area of my life. I've been all kindsa busy with my list lately! I crossed the following five tasks off of my list!

#34 - Nutcracker
First of all, this was truly a red letter moment in my holiday season. I hadn't been doing too well emotionally, but literally within the first ten seconds of this performance, I was in heaven. All I could repeat in my mind was something along the lines of "I'm absolutely ecstatic that life exists so I can see this magical experience!" The set, the costumes, the performers, the story, the gorgeous dancing, and of course the most perfect holiday music. To make things even MORE perfect, there were two girls sitting behind Mandsi and I, seeing the Nutcracker with their grandparents. They were perhaps 5 and 8 or so? At intermission the littlest one exclaimed: "This is best night ever! This is better than Disney World!! You know why? Because I'm with my grandpa!" Totally adorable.

#60 - addresses
This is the final Christmas of my 1001 Days, which means it is the last year I send out home Christmas cards. JUST KIDDING! I'll never stop this insane tradition, but I have a feeling my final tally will increase exponentially every year. I believe this year the total was 47. And every card was different. Nuts. Meanwhile I've been trying to collect addresses...had most of the ones I needed from last Christmas, but I gathered the rest and put them into my journal so I feel comfy finally crossing this task off my list.

#65 - train to Chicago!
Well, the train wasn't AS romantic as I had hoped. It might have been the lack of drink/snack cart in the morning when I was starving and needed caffeine desperately OR perhaps the fact that the train got stuck in train traffic at the end of an exhausting day...but it was still kinda fun! And of course I didn't have to worry about gas or expressway traffic or parking downtown! I'd take it again!

#71 - Salvation Army Bell Ringer
THIS was seriously a crazy ton of fun!!! Like I mentioned, this was my last Christmas of the 1001 Days, so the bell ringing turned out to be a little last minute...especially on the 23rd of December! But wow...what a gleeful experience...GLEEFUL, that's the perfect word to describe it! My shift was from about 5:40 to 8:00, in the "Town Square" center area of Bayshore Mall right by the GINORMOUS Christmas tree. Well it turns out that every 20 minutes there's this crazy light show all over the tree and the surrounding little trees. It's "announced" by that slightly annoying children's choir "Merry ChristMAS! Merry ChristMAS!" song that I actually ended up liking by the end haha! This was followed by a Christmas classic which played during the show...like a song from the Nutcracker, "Sleigh Ride", and the Charlie Brown Christmas theme. Anyway, as if this wasn't festive enough, the people walking by were SO kind and happy!! They told me to stay warm, and one guy even offered to go get me some hot chocolate! The kids were particularly adorable...parents in the background giving them coins or dollars, and then the kids would run up to the kettle with this HUGE smile while stuffing the money in the little slot. It was a little chilly, mostly my toes and fingers were cold, but within the first 20 minute chunk I was getting really into it, and kinda dancing around to the music, shaking the bell all enthusiastically ;) That kept me warmer! You'd be surprised at how cramped your hand gets though from that bell! Towards the end of the two hours, I had to switch hands like every couple minutes haha! I counted an average of about 17 people per 20 minutes, so I probably got about 115 people...perhaps something like $200-250 total? That's impressive!! I believe they've raised something like $1.6million? Anyway, I'm SO going to make this my Christmas tradition because it's totally a blast and makes you feel pretty darn Christmassy!

#13 - Decoupage!
FINALLY! This was my big SUPER secret Christmas project!!! Awhile back, maybe this past summer, I decided I was going to decoupage some kind of cabinet with Hitchcock posters for Mandsi for Christmas! I officially got started in October when I purchased the cabinet from Michael's (thanks to my friend Drew's suggestion!), and won the first batch of posters from eBay. Like ALL of my super secret Christmas projects, I hit a few snags. One of the eBay stores sent me the wrong poster and it took forever to get it all worked out. I also didn't have enough posters, and had to win more last minute. PLUS I had to keep it secret, and make up some stories about "shopping" when, in reality, worked on the project in my parents' dining room! Of course the piece isn't without flaws...for one, there are tons of air bubbles and unfinished edges...but for being a decoupage virgin, I do believe I did a great job! Here's a shot of the front, I wanted to do the door in all Psycho posters as that's Z's fave :)



And a couple other shots:





My mom made her own contribution by making the classic Hitchcock silhouette door knob out of polyclay! Sweetness.

So that's all I've got for now!! I am all crazy stoked about trying to make 2009 a lot better than this year was. Not that this was a horrible year by any means...it was my learning/limbo year...I'd just like some cool things to happen next year. I have faith! I really do :)

how quickly things go south

I was just thinking yesterday how I never have anything interesting to put in these blog posts anymore, except for stupid list updates. I made a comment about how perhaps no news is good news. But in reality, no news is like the most boring thing of all time. I went to one of those Pampered Chef parties this weekend and I literally had jack to tell my friend whom I haven't seen or even talked to in months. Oddly enough, I'm not even bored. I always have 3948203 projects and social events going on and barely find enough time to myself. But meanwhile, I find that many of my friends have really fun things to tell people: kids in school, how it feels to be pregnant, book sales, grad school, new job, new boyfriend, new pet, new home, and various other life successes. My life is at a shocking standstill. And what's worse is that I feel like I'm moving, but just going absolutely nowhere. I'm totally one of those wind-up toys that hit a wall and continue to march in place. So much energy and drive to put into something, but that 'something' doesn't exist.

Problem number one is definitely my job. I keep doing and doing and I feel like I'll never get anywhere. I will always keep trying and have hope, but each day, I'm not going to lie, that hope dies a little. And the big question looms: how much longer do I keep trying?

Problem number two is definitely relationships. Despite the fact that I've told myself and various others countless numbers of times: being single is so much better than being in a shitty relationship...sometimes I catch myself remembering that, even in a shitty relationship, I could at least deceive myself into thinking that I was loved. Being loved by someone [romantically of course] is officially the one thing you really need to feel complete. I think I've learned that now. And worse yet, even feeling fake loved seems to be a better alternative to knowing you've got no one. It's all in the validation. Why do so many people stick with someone who is wrong for them? Because loneliness really blows, that's why. Well, I guess I'm just a strong person. Had I been any weaker, and knowing the lonely alternative, I'm sure I would've just stuck with the whole John situation, even knowing that he didn't really care about me at all. I could always trick myself into thinking he did. I don't know, perhaps it's knowing that he was able to jump right into a "successful" relationship so easily and never got to feel an ounce of loneliness. Then having that comparison up in my face five days a week...wow, it does wonders for my ego and sense of fairness in the world.

In any case, someone needs to throw me a bone here. I'm so sick of the limbo period. I'm sick of not having anything fun and new to enjoy, and yes, I admit it, to tell people about. I'm sick of feeling like my life is a total waste of space. And I'm also sick of feeling sick about all of this. I hate whiny, woe-is-me, pathetic Katie...she's the worst! But at least it's more interesting than lame list updates.