It's finally June! So there are definitely some sort of official summer month feelings happening, especially now that it's finally warm. But it's never a dull moment in Wisconsin because while today the high is 80, Wednesday the high will be a crisp 58. Yeesh.
I will admit that I'm a little stressed out over here. Thoughts and feelings in regards to all KINDS of things are swirling ever more, and I wonder if and when my brain will calm down. And in other news, I actually caught myself wishing for my old life today. Something I never thought I'd do! It was brief, but it was just a general wistfulness for "Simpler Times". I quickly snapped out of it, however, when I remembered that those times were NOT simpler. I was stuck in a pretty complicated situation. And speaking of...you'll never believe the main article that popped up when I logged onto Yahoo this morning...
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
Sigh. But hey, I mean who DOESN'T prefer being solo over a bad marriage?? I certainly would! But the article says "Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all" which is pretty sad. Now no offense to my men out there, but in all honesty, women are generally the more understanding, supportive, and flexible gender (I understand that few bad apples have spoiled the bunch though). My point here is that when it comes to marriage, we're all over here really willing to make it work. We try very hard because it's genetically programmed into us. So I think what men are REALLY afraid of isn't marrying the wrong person, but rather having to work hard at something. Now of course I'm speaking from a personal standpoint having been hurt when the "love of my life" decided I wasn't really worth the work. And I also know that some women pull some wicked stunts like cheating and just generally throwing in the towel when it comes to making the marriage work. So yep, I admit all that. But let's just put the exceptions aside for a second.
The article goes on to say "It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated." Amen. You don't have to tell US twice. But I don't think it's our fault we're frustrated. Like I previously mentioned, we're a patient gender! How else do you think we put up with our men's occasional BS? I remember so much about my relationship with John that I had to be *patient about whether it was his general crazy antics or his job woes or his ex frustrations or even his daughter and everything that goes along with that...very very patient. And I guess asking for a marriage in return is asking for too much, I don't know. But nothing in life is foolproof. Yeah you want to try to get things right, especially if you've already been divorced once. But almost everything in life requires a bit of faith. Faith that you are making good choices from your college degree to your career path to the person you love to the way you raise your kids. I think these men must have just lost their sense of faith. Although perhaps it's simply the fact that they confuse faith and fate. I have faith in my choices, but I know that it requires hard work on my part in order to make them the right choices. If you throw yourself completely into the arms of fate, taking absolutely no responsibility for your choice, well then yeah, you might get stuck with a lemon for a marriage.
At the end of the day, if these men are perfectly happy being bachelors for the rest of their days, than so be it. No skin off my back. Until you drag me down with you! I just hope that they're honest with themselves and thus honest with the women they date before it's too late. Don't make future plans, play domestic family life, and act as though marriage is the path you're heading down if these things scare you. To conclude, the article actually ended on quite an amusing note. Turns out that researching this info scared the author straight: "I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would." And now he's living with his girlfriend and they're talking marriage. If only it were that easy!
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Ok sorry about the little June Blog detour there! The reason I think I was dwelling a bit on my old life is because I saw the Sex & the City movie last night. It definitely made over $50million for a reason. Women everywhere are trying to find love and perhaps those who already have like to remind themselves of how lucky they are! Those of us still looking, however, are more frustrated than not and it gets old. And perhaps that's why Yahoo put up that article! Just to torment us even more!!
Alright enough, let's get to the updates.
#1/#2 - One of my current stresses is starting up my personal portfolio website. Web design is rough work. It's like being a chemist. Would you know how to go about making that soda you're currently drinking from absolute scratch? Do you even WANT to know? At the end of the day, I'm just hoping that, like math in high school, the logic and programming will be sort of fun in a sick way. In any case, it's underway. Here's to hoping the roadblocks will be few and far between.
#45/#50 - In my last recipe for the month I used watercress, thank you very much. I made this smoked salmon watercress avocado salad with a lemon vinaigrette.
#50 - This month's atypical produce item will be rhubarb! My boss sent out an email that she grew a great crop this year and she's bringing some into work tomorrow. Not sure what I'll make, but I'm intrigued!
#51 - Soda's back in the game (I drank a sip at 12:01am on June 1st!) and out is snacking after dinner.
And done!
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9 comments:
Fascinating stuff, Katesi...not the watercress stuff, the commentary on guys and marriage. It is discouraging... If only guys would realize that there is a sense of accomplishment and dare I say "manhood" about taking on the challenges of marriage and family. It's rewarding work, know what I mean? "Freedom" is fun and all that, but not in the way that satisfies deep down. It's doing the work of marriage and seeing the results that help solidify the bond.
Ladies, ladies, ladies...I am available and ready for marriage. Spread the word.
Haha NICE Casey! Why is it that the guys who don't even want to get married have girls dripping off of them? Oh that's right because chicks suck and have this burning desire to "fix" them. Because, you know, getting him to change and want to marry you would be like the best prize ever...or something.
Wow! Great blog, lady. I think there definitely has to be a balance in getting married. I think Josh and I went into our marriage partly on blind faith and partly on gut instinct that we knew we were really compatible in our thoughts and goals, etc...
My brothers are the perfect example of the men this article is talking about. Joe is the one who is too set in his own ways and too lazy to change for a woman. I don't think he could be married because he is so adverse to change. Tony is the one who has been really scared of marrying again because his first one was so horrible. It seems like it's a combination of fear and selfishness on the part of the men (and some women!) I think people in general are just unwilling to put the effort into making it work. SO true about what you said about women being ready and willing to get married and make it work! Men always need to have more, whereas I think most women are happy with what we have and are more soncerned in making our husbans abd children happy than ourselves. Case in point: I basically have sacrificed my entire social life and potential career to raise children yet Josh gets really crabby if he does not get out to have a beer or be with "the guys". However, I am perfectly content to be at home with my family, whereas I know he is itching to get out. I don't know what it is, men always want more than what they have!
"I don't know what it is, men always want more than what they have!"
Well, let's not lump all men together!
First Casey: just let us women have our day ;) I can probably list off a dozen personal examples right now of how women have screwed men over in various ways. It's definitely a two way street. But in keeping with this particular blog topic, I find that MANY men (particularly in this generation) are far less interested in committing and making sacrifices when push comes to shove. I hope, however, that as the years go by, I am proven wrong!
Now Tina: very very interesting about Joe and Tony. While I feel bad for their situations (particularly Tony who had married a less than stellar chick), after a certain amount of time you do have to have a bit of faith. For example, I would hate for Tony to meet a really nice girl who was genuinely interested in making a life with him, only to have him freak out and escape because of his fears.
I will say that, thank god things have changed since, say, the '50s when women were expected to do everything a man told them to do. In the last 25-30 years, things have balanced in that area. But now I'm afraid that we're heading into a new trend. Now that women are self sufficient, and don't necessarily need a man to have a successful and fulfilling life, men will stop trying so hard to win us over. Why try if we are happy alone? I don't like that. I love being self sufficient, but I love my knight in shining armor too.
Whew. Men and marriage. What a topic!
Right now, you could say I'm a rare gem in that I'm all wishy washy in my marriage and here Tim is pledging his love and commitment to us and his desire to make things better for his. It's not like he's shouting it from a mountain top, but at least he's said it.
Let's HOPE it's not just all talk and eventually he does give up in the face of our current adversity. THAT would be quite a bummer train.
I do look forward to hopefully there being a day where there are no bummers, at least for a moment and feel that sense of accomplishment!
I'm starting to feel like a "sucky" girl, in that I'm trying to *fix Tim? Maybe I am and never realized it. I'm mostly trying to fix the past-Tim that is a roach ya just can't kill even though he himself has actually changed.
To Tina's comment, I hope that Tim & I continue to be even on this. In passing we've chatted about like "taking turns" for nights out - like someday when we have children, so I hope that bodes true. And also, just the nights away from each other - especially lately have been terrific, and I hope that never ends. I'm looking forward to our current weekend(s) away!!!!!!!
Haha! I was wondering if you'd check back to this post Monica and see what kind of fun comments are flying around here ;)
I think that day when you feel a sense of accomplishment will be when you start seeing results from the work you put into your marriage. There definitely comes a time when you have to start looking forward instead of behind you!!
Katie, I totally agree about the tony/joe situations. And i really think it is quite depressing and sad more than anyting. I also agree that there are many women out there with the same problems of committing to a relationship. My own sister is one example!!
Monica, i totally understand how you feel! Tim and Josh have a lot of similarities; it must be an NIU thing. I used to be really hard on Josh about the job thing until i realized that he did work really hard to further his education and we were led to believe he would have a successful career in what he chose to do in college. It has taken A LOT of time, love, and patience to understand that sometimes things don't work out as planned and people have to sometimes shift direction to figure out what they want to do. We've gone through a lot of hardship and sacrifice to deal with the whole school and job thing but i slowly see the rewards coming into fruition :) Good luck to Tim, I hope he finds something soon!
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