Dad

This will be a completely random post, but I was listening to Alphaville today and it reminded me of when my sis and I visited my dad in Madison, and, while he was at work, we would play his Alphaville's Forever Young cd over and over. I even sneakily dubbed "Forever Young" onto a mix tape I had with me. This past November 27th marked five years since his death...it's crazy to think that it's been five years already. Well, for some reason this past weekend, I thought about him a lot. Perhaps it was due to the late night dessert with Z at The Knick on Friday, or how Katie asked me if I had any contact with my dad's 'partner' Jeff on Saturday, or maybe the fact that Sunday was Oscar Night...my dad was everywhere! And like I told Z at the Knick, it's so strange but, to this day, I still feel like I see him and when I do, I ALWAYS do a double take to make sure it isn't him. She does the same thing, so I'm not crazy ;) In any case, listening to Alphaville, I was flooded with all kinds of memories of my dad and I thought I'd list a few of them for the heck of it.

In a sort of chronological order:

-When I watched my dad deliver sermons, I'd think he was Jesus? Which is funny because he sooo wasn't, but isn't it a tad adorable coming from a four year old?

-He, my sis, and I would go to Adventureland (a poor man's Six Flag's) in Altoona, IA. And just as we were coming up on the entrance, my dad would stop and say "Wait a minute, this isn't where I want to turn, we're actually going to the dentist!" and it would crack us up!

-Dancing in the living room to Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" and knowing, at age 6, that it was my dad's favorite song, YET completely unaware that he was gay!

-Seeing BOTH my parents dress up as Rocky Horror characters to go to the midnight showing...still oblivious to my dad's homosexuality. Jeez.

-Watching To Kill A Mockingbird in his studio apartment, which was on Cass and very near to where I live now! It could honestly be south of our apartment building right across the parking lot!

-When he took Mandsi and I to La Péniche several times when we visited him in New Orleans circa'93. She and I gave every waiter there a nickname, like after Soap characters and whatnot? Likewise when he took us to Cafe du Monde for late night hot chocolate and beignets.

-Going to the three hour, late night Easter Vigil at St. John's Cathedral and then grabbing some dessert afterwards at what I think was Ma Fischer's or perhaps Annie's cafe (which was replaced by Kohl's and then replaced by my beloved Metro Market!)

-Going to see Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in Chicago and then heading to this diner afterward where this gay guy pretended to strut a runway during the breakdown in Wilson Phillips' "Hold On".

-Driving to Madison late at night in his teal Pontiac Sunbird, the cozy dark countryside, and the sleep inducing buzz of talk radio.

-Being all stoked and feeling awesome when I walked into his favorite bar, the Crystal Corner, to partake in Jeopardy shenanigans after getting my tattoo when I was 18.

-"Letting me" order a rum and coke at a restaurant when I was so not 21!

-The dinners he'd make when we'd visit...nothing extravagant, but there was something about them that rocked. Especially that special barbecue sauce he had.

-His and Jeff's joint birthday parties in October: their apartment stuffed with all kinds of interesting folk, young and old: the air filled with cigarette smoke, we all drank red wine, and Abba, Erasure, Pet Shop Boys, The Talented Mr. Ripley soundtrack, etc would play in the background.

-Many viewings of our favorite musicals: Hair, JC Superstar, Evita...

-His hilarious rants about some customer he had at [insert sales company here, i.e. Steinhafels, Ruben's, the jewelry store in N.O., Jack's Shoes...]

-When he wrote me this very out-of-the-blue email that simply said I love you not too far before he commit suicide.

-And all the little things: his cotton vertical striped dress shirts, when he'd raise one eyebrow to let us know we were in trouble, his singing voice at church, his crazy voice pretending to be a customer, when he'd say "Pardon?" even when we didn't say anything (he had no hearing in his right ear), his kickass apartment in Madison and rad furniture, his record collection, his hilarious sense of humor and his, infrequent, but really great hugs.

To conclude, I think that if my dad were still alive today, he'd get a real kick out of all our lives. I think he'd really enjoy the fact that my mom was writing erotica. I think he'd LOVE the fact that Mandsi lives and breathes film. He'd probably really like our cat Floyd and say that he reminded him of our old cat Steve. He'd enjoy John's decorating style and roll his eyes when I'd tell him that John sort of reminds me of him in some vague way though they're nothing alike! He'd enjoy the fact that I still go to St. John's Cathedral, and am now a member and a Eucharistic minister. And he'd definitely be amazed that Z and I live in the same neighborhood he did after he and my mom separated. Some days I feel like he knows, some days I feel like he doesn't. And I wish we could just grab some coffee and chat for a few hours. The spookiest part is that I feel that that wish isn't all that far fetched. Like one of those things that's so close yet so far away...just out of reach. Because even after five years, it still seems so strange that he's gone. And at the end of the day, maybe that's why I always do double takes when I see a short gray haired man or a teal Sunbird pass me by.