Almost over

I'm hoping to make it out of these final hours of June unscathed. It has been a DOOZIE of a month. In the last week, I've earned my insomnia patch and I think even my panic attack patch. Nothing major, but I've had a couple instances of those old familiar feelings of trembling, nausea, and sense of impending doom. Not fun really. I think something's going around though, because I know a lot of people dealing with various ugly life issues, my own being the furthest from the worst. Things could ALWAYS be worse...and I have to be way thankful that they aren't right now. In the meantime though, I GOTTA make some changes...

So to conclude June,

#17 - Just under the wire, I got a txt today from someone telling me that I'm selfish, so I can knock that one off the list! Yippee. No, but I did spend $200 on clothes last Monday night to cheer myself up. Fun?

#45 - Recipes...

2 - Spicy Sweet Crab Salad (#46) in tortillas (mixed with mango, radishes, celery, onions and cilantro; dressed with this hot sauce/lime juice/vinegar/sugar/mayo situation...seems odd, but incredibly tasty!)

3 - Rhubarb (#50) Coffee Cake (made for Shannon's birthday last week...I've baked from scratch like twice in my life and these turned out really good considering!)

4 - Mango Pine Nut Salad (mango and OJ puree over greens with cannellini beans and pine nuts...I was a little drunk when I threw this together, but I think I remember that it was really good?)

Now, for July, I'm thinking about something to give up...we'll see...and my atypical produce item is plantains, THANKS Guy Fieri ;)

#49 - This past weekend Mandsi and I went to the World's Lamest Farmers Market (aka East Town Farmer's Market...jeez guys, kick it up a notch?)

#68 - A couple weekends ago, I had a fatty egg/bacon/cheese bagel sammich for breakfast, like five lbs of chocolate sweet treats at a concert intermission, BeefaRoo for dinner, and then the following morning, a Machine Shed breakfast of ginormous waffle with bacon BAKED IN, topped with eggs and maple syrup, and a side of cheesy hashbrown casserole the consistency of risotto....FAAAAT.

Sooooo this post is basically me complaining about my life stress, yet discussing all the good food I ate all month. Way to go Katie. At the end of the day, things aren't so bad. I've just gotta be way more careful. Remember the girl who was sick of being good all the time? Well, she's in some trubs and I'm not letting her out any more. I need to add a lot more to my karma bucket.....

wordclouds drifting by...

On Pop Candy today, I discovered this little gem of a site: Wordle! where you can type in some text and finagle a cute little "word cloud". Now while the site is pretty fun, being a graphic designer, I find myself a little constricted by its randomness. So I busted out my own typography skills this afternoon and created my own cloud:



The significance of this little set of lyrics comes out of my thoughts from yesterday whilst listening to this Fiona Apple tune...its uncanny relation to a certain ex bf. The words couldn't be more true.

Glass half...full?

496 days remain. Earlier this week, I should've celebrated my official halfway mark in this crazy project, but I was probably too busy doing one of the items on the list. Undoubtedly the Ninja Report (#89), which is officially complete!! For reasons I won't mention here, I had to put it into overdrive this week. Let's hope my work pays off SOON!

In any case, here's an update of where I'm at with this list:

Completed: 38
In Progress with Nearby Completion Date: 11
In Progress until List End Date: 15
Remaining: 37

YEEHAW! I've completed more than I have left!! Thank GOD or I think I'd be pretty screwed! And I can turn that 38 into a 49 real soon if I get crackin' on all of these open ended tasks. Plus I've got all those summer-y ones that I could complete this year too.

Meanwhile, we're about halfway through the year here as well. I'm kinda hoping things pick back up from here on out. Not that the year has been awful by any means, but I sense some leaf turning on the horizon and I hope it brings good things for everyone who is in their particular mess at the moment (of which there are quite a few, I've noticed!) So let's all take this time to regroup and kick ass in the next six months. SIX MONTHS!

PS I'm also hoping that the next 500.5 days are FAR different from the last 500.5. Again, not that they were awful, but the TWO breakups and various job trubs weren't really a blast. Then again, I went on some rad trips, won a mac, and did some neat creative stuff, so who am I to complain? Glass half full!

SYTYC...make my heart explode with complete awe?

The answer is a definitive YES.
The following is the reason why So You Think You Can Dance is THEEE greatest reality television show to ever exist:



Dies.

I feel lucky to have lived to see something like this.

Changing of the moods

It's yet another Rainy Days Thursdays always gettin' me down. At least it isn't 39 outside! I'm just not at my best this week. I find myself walking through this mucky daze, waiting for things to pick up. Maybe it's just the weather, but I was walking back to work at lunch like, get out of this mood, seriously!

#87 - Last night SYTYCD featured an adorable young male dancer by the name of Cooper Zamorano who danced to this gorgeous song...lyrics not on the internet, anywhere. Until this morning of course, as everyone else watching last night was enamored too. "In Your Eyes" by Craig Lyons: An artist who has been featured in dancers' auditions three times now! In fact, Cooper's performance is already up on Craig Lyons' myspace. So at this point, the guy's made in the shade, thank you SYTYCD! His music is way beautiful too. And although mellow and moody, it's just what I needed to lift my spirits. Some of the dissonance in his melodies reminds me of Seal. It's weird, but true. [addition ed. note: very Robbie Williams too]

What's funny is that I was at Barnes last night and I must've listened to a dozen newish albums that have come out, but just couldn't bring myself to buy any of them. Maybe due to sticker shock, perhaps because there are like 398420342 albums due out this summer. I do really like the new ones from Death Cab, REM, and The Futureheads and wouldn't mind owning them (and actually PAYING for them). I purchased the new Portishead through itunes, but "acquired" the new Weezer album here at work. I'm still on the fence about Aimee Mann's new album. And then My Morning Jacket and Coldplay come out in like two seconds...very excited about those two. Anyway, I digress. I'm sure I'll slink back into my cesspool of whatnot soon enough, but for now, here's to the joy that new artists, new albums, and the new season of SYTYCD brings me.

Busting out all over

It's finally June! So there are definitely some sort of official summer month feelings happening, especially now that it's finally warm. But it's never a dull moment in Wisconsin because while today the high is 80, Wednesday the high will be a crisp 58. Yeesh.

I will admit that I'm a little stressed out over here. Thoughts and feelings in regards to all KINDS of things are swirling ever more, and I wonder if and when my brain will calm down. And in other news, I actually caught myself wishing for my old life today. Something I never thought I'd do! It was brief, but it was just a general wistfulness for "Simpler Times". I quickly snapped out of it, however, when I remembered that those times were NOT simpler. I was stuck in a pretty complicated situation. And speaking of...you'll never believe the main article that popped up when I logged onto Yahoo this morning...

Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study

Sigh. But hey, I mean who DOESN'T prefer being solo over a bad marriage?? I certainly would! But the article says "Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all" which is pretty sad. Now no offense to my men out there, but in all honesty, women are generally the more understanding, supportive, and flexible gender (I understand that few bad apples have spoiled the bunch though). My point here is that when it comes to marriage, we're all over here really willing to make it work. We try very hard because it's genetically programmed into us. So I think what men are REALLY afraid of isn't marrying the wrong person, but rather having to work hard at something. Now of course I'm speaking from a personal standpoint having been hurt when the "love of my life" decided I wasn't really worth the work. And I also know that some women pull some wicked stunts like cheating and just generally throwing in the towel when it comes to making the marriage work. So yep, I admit all that. But let's just put the exceptions aside for a second.

The article goes on to say "It's so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married you'll be frustrated." Amen. You don't have to tell US twice. But I don't think it's our fault we're frustrated. Like I previously mentioned, we're a patient gender! How else do you think we put up with our men's occasional BS? I remember so much about my relationship with John that I had to be *patient about whether it was his general crazy antics or his job woes or his ex frustrations or even his daughter and everything that goes along with that...very very patient. And I guess asking for a marriage in return is asking for too much, I don't know. But nothing in life is foolproof. Yeah you want to try to get things right, especially if you've already been divorced once. But almost everything in life requires a bit of faith. Faith that you are making good choices from your college degree to your career path to the person you love to the way you raise your kids. I think these men must have just lost their sense of faith. Although perhaps it's simply the fact that they confuse faith and fate. I have faith in my choices, but I know that it requires hard work on my part in order to make them the right choices. If you throw yourself completely into the arms of fate, taking absolutely no responsibility for your choice, well then yeah, you might get stuck with a lemon for a marriage.

At the end of the day, if these men are perfectly happy being bachelors for the rest of their days, than so be it. No skin off my back. Until you drag me down with you! I just hope that they're honest with themselves and thus honest with the women they date before it's too late. Don't make future plans, play domestic family life, and act as though marriage is the path you're heading down if these things scare you. To conclude, the article actually ended on quite an amusing note. Turns out that researching this info scared the author straight: "I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would." And now he's living with his girlfriend and they're talking marriage. If only it were that easy!

***

Ok sorry about the little June Blog detour there! The reason I think I was dwelling a bit on my old life is because I saw the Sex & the City movie last night. It definitely made over $50million for a reason. Women everywhere are trying to find love and perhaps those who already have like to remind themselves of how lucky they are! Those of us still looking, however, are more frustrated than not and it gets old. And perhaps that's why Yahoo put up that article! Just to torment us even more!!

Alright enough, let's get to the updates.

#1/#2 - One of my current stresses is starting up my personal portfolio website. Web design is rough work. It's like being a chemist. Would you know how to go about making that soda you're currently drinking from absolute scratch? Do you even WANT to know? At the end of the day, I'm just hoping that, like math in high school, the logic and programming will be sort of fun in a sick way. In any case, it's underway. Here's to hoping the roadblocks will be few and far between.

#45/#50 - In my last recipe for the month I used watercress, thank you very much. I made this smoked salmon watercress avocado salad with a lemon vinaigrette.

#50 - This month's atypical produce item will be rhubarb! My boss sent out an email that she grew a great crop this year and she's bringing some into work tomorrow. Not sure what I'll make, but I'm intrigued!

#51 - Soda's back in the game (I drank a sip at 12:01am on June 1st!) and out is snacking after dinner.

And done!